Misspelling gainfully - An old story

Here is an old story on spelling.

On a hot summer day...

Customer: Excuse me, but the sign on the window is spelt wrong. It should say "Fresh ice-cream sold here", and not "Freesh ice-cream sold bere".
Shopkeeper: Yes sir, you are absolutely correct. We have four different flavors (flavours) available, vanilla, peach, strawberry and chocolate.
Customer: I'll take a double scoop of vanilla please. My it's so hot outside.
Shopkeeper: Here you are, please come again.

Shopkeeper (afterwards, to his son sitting nearby): That's the twentieth customer today, who came in just to point out the spelling mistake, and bought some ice-cream. You see son, sometimes a deliberate spelling mistake can draw a lot of attention and increase sales!


Mices

Two mice met behind a toaster in a Columbia household. "It's been a long time." the first said. "How's everything ?"
"Great !" the second replied. "I have three brothers in pharmaceutical testing and a sister in heart research."


Poor people!

Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. -- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"


Lost

An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you." he said. "I've been lost for three days."
"Don't get too excited friend." the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."


Get Out, And Never Come Back

A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing.

The owner walks up to the young man and says, "Son, how much do you make a day?"

The guy replies, "150 dollars."

The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back.

A few minutes later the shipping clerk says to the boss, "Have you seen that UPS driver? I left him standing around here?"


Kuuluisia lauseita

"I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear." - Margaret Thatcher in 1973.

"That rainbow song's no good. Take it out." - MGM memo after first showing of The Wizard Of Oz.

"You'd better learn secretarial skills or else get married." - Modelling agency, rejecting Marilyn Monroe in 1944.

"Radio has no future." "X-rays are clearly a hoax". "The aeroplane is scientifically impossible." - Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9.

"You ought to go back to driving a truck." - Concert manager, firing Elvis Presley in 1954.

"Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel." - MGM executive, advising against investing in Gone With The Wind.

"Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little." - A film company's verdict on Fred Astaire's 1928 screen test.

"Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, but it will never work." - Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Cambridge, shown Frank Whittle's plan for the jet engine.

"There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991." - World Health Organisation in a 1989 report. It over-estimated by 992,301 cases.

"All saved from Titanic after collision." - New York Evening Sun, April 15 1912.

"Brain work will cause women to go bald." - Berlin professor, 1914.

"Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine." - Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - director of the US Patent Office, 1899.


Doctor's Orders

A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor met him again, and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you? That was quite the gorgeous young lady I saw you with!"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."


I love

Patient: "I love boxer shorts."
Shrink: "Nothing wrong with that, I prefer them myself."
Patient: "Really ??? With mustard or mayonnaise ?"


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