His And Her ATM Habits

HIS

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt

HER

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car b/c you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in gear, reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake

The Rabbi's Blessed Hat

A Rabbi is walking slowly out of a Shul in New York when a gust of wind blows his hat down the street. He's an old man with a cane and can't walk fast enough to catch his hat. Across the street a man sees what has happened and rushes over to grab the hat and returns it to the Rabbi. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat." the Rabbi says.
"Thank you very much." The Rabbi places his hand on his shoulder and says, "May G-d bless you."

The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the Rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the Racetrack and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50 and sure enough the horse comes in first. In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1 so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also.

Finally at the end of the day he returns home to his wife who asks him where he's been. He explains how he caught the Rabbis hat and was blessed by him and the went to the track and started winning on horses that had a hat in their names. "So where's the money," she says?

"I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named Chateau and it lost."

"You fool, Chateau is a house, Chapeau is a hat."

"It doesn't matter," he said, "the winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmuka."

(P.S. Jewish use Yarmulka)

How important is ONE Vote?

Think this election is a close call? How important is ONE Vote?

- In 1645, one vote gave Oliver Cromwell control of England.

- In 1649, one vote caused Charles I of England to be executed.

- In 1776, one vote gave American the English language instead of German.

- 1800 1 vote gives Thomas Jefferson the Presidency over Aaron Burr

- In 1824, one vote gave John Quincy Adams the Presidency.

- 1839 1 vote wins the Massachusetts governorship for Marcus Morton

- In 1845, one vote brought Texas into the Union.

- In 1868, one vote saved President Andrew Johnson from impeachment.

- In 1876, one vote changed France from a monarchy to a republic.

- In 1876, one vote gave Rutherford B. Hayes the Presidency.

- In 1923, one vote gave Adolf Hitler leadership of the Nazi party.

- In 1941, one vote saved selective service (just weeks before Pearl Harbor).

- In 1960, Richard Nixon lost 3 states by a total of less than one vote per precinct, giving John F. Kennedy the presidency.

- In 1976, Gerald Ford lost to Jimmy Carter in the state of Ohio, and therefore the presidential race, by less than one vote per precinct.