Kid's English

From Jim Jr Moore's humorlist

Jim Jr.'s jokes today reminded me of an incident when I was a child. I was reading in the living room and mom asked "Is the light OK--can you see?"

"Well, it's donserly," I replied. When mom told me "donserly" isn't a word, I insisted it was, meaning 'dim' and said "I sing it every day in school...'Oh, say can you see, by the donserly light?'"

{"Donserly" tarkoittaa Nathional anthemissa "By the dawns early light"}


Where is God

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. And on this day, the teacher asked the class where they thought God lived. One little girl raised her hand, and the teacher called upon her.

"I think God lives in the sky, because that is where heaven is." the girl replied.
"That's good!" said the teacher.
Another little boy raised his hand, and the teacher called on him. "And where do you think God lives?" she asked.
Very piously, the boy answered "God lives in each of our hearts!"
"That's VERY good," she smiled.
When she asked a third time, Little Johnny was the only one who raised his hand. Quietly dreading his answer, the teacher asked, "And where do you think God lives, Johnny?"
"In the bathroom." he said.
"In the bathroom?" she asked, puzzled yet unable to stop herself.
"Yes, because every morning my father beats on the bathroom door and screams 'GOD, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?' "


Rudolph the Great

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He said to his wife, "Look, my dear, it is raining."

His wife was very obstinate and responded as follows: "I don't think so, dear. I think it's snowing."

But Rudolph knew better. So he said to his wife, "Let's step outside and we shall find out."

They both went outside to discover that it was raining. Rudolph, very proud of himself, turned to his wife and said, "I just knew it was raining because, Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"


Cows

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.


A conversation

A friend of mine, who stuttered rather badly, went to a specialist and after ten difficult weeks was able to say quite distinctly: "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers."
I congratulated him on his achievement.
Frowning, he replied doubtfully, "B-b-but it's s-s-such a d-difficult remark to w-w-w-work into a c-c-conversation."


Mistaken Identity

A young international student working in my office told us last week that her brother had just arrived in the United States and was living and working in Indiana Police. Upon questioning, we learned that her brother is in Indianapolis, Indiana.


Queen

An ace British aviator was knighted by Queen Elizabeth. Afterwards, every time he flew over Buckingham Palace he would did his wings in salute. The Queen was asked, "Who is that?"
She replied, "That's the fly-by knight!"


Producers

A famous producer chose to make a movie about famous composers. For some reason, he decided to cast famous action-adventure heroes to play the lead roles.

When asked whom he would like to play, Sly Stalone said, "I've always admired Mozart, and even though they've already made a movie about him, I'd like to play that composer."

Van Damm said, "Beethoven was a heroic figure. Even when deaf, he created masterpieces and then conducted them. I'll be Beethoven."

And Arnie said, "I'll be Bach."

(Bach = poikamies)


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