A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. What for?" he snapped at the judge.|
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!"
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
"One for all and all for one."
He enters a duck.
How can you tell if there is a Polishman there?
He bets on the duck.
How can you tell if there is an Italian there as well?
The duck wins.
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. What's the difference between a dead piper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
Q. What's one thing you never hear people say?
A. Oh, that's the pipe player's Porsche.
Q. What's a piper's definition of ``optimism''?
A. A piper with a beeper.
Psychiatrist: "Nonsense! I like sausages too."
Patient: "Good, you should come see my collection. I've got hundreds of 'em."
The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "Where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store, an old friend also fluent in Yiddish .. "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"
The owner looks around and leans in so no one else will hear and says... "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."