My wife hasn't spoken to me since the baby was born because of a little misunderstanding. She called me at work and said her water had broken and I called the plumber.|
Titanic: That's the story of my life -- a love boat that sinks.
PMS: Punishing Male Spouses.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of flying there just bores me to tears. Why not drive me there? The meeting is only an hour. I'll pay the gas, tolls, your hotel room, meals, and then you can drive me back tomorrow."
The driver said, "Sure, why not?" and off they went.
They motored through Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and finally into Chicago. The businessman did his meeting (while the cabbie waited) came out, got back into the cab and they took off to the hotel. They shared a huge meal, the businessman paid for two rooms. The next morning, they took off back towards Manhattan. When they arrived, the meter read $4,632.85.
When they got back to the businessman's office, the man told the cabbie, "Let me go in the bank here and I'll get you a certified check. I'll make it for $5000 so you'll get a sizable tip for your trouble."
"Great," the cab driver said, "Thanks."
"One last thing. When I give you the check, I'd like you to drive me home, please."
"No way!!! I'd have to drive back over the bridge without a passenger!"
4, 2, 28 and 44
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"
It's MUCH Harder
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."
Key to symbology
Commas (,) pauses
Hyphens (-) held notes
Mary Had A Little Lamb
The Butterfly Song
Generic Arabian tune
Way Down Upon the Swanee River
Auld Lang Syne
Things NOT to Say When You are Pulled Over
14. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
13. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
12. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
11. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.
10. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece.
9. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different states! Pick 1
8. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
7. On the way to the station let's get a six pack, oh don't forget the cig's
6. You'll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!
5. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
4. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
3. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
2. So thats what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone means
1. What do you use those rubber gloves for, anyway?