The new pastor decided to visit the children's Sunday School. The teacher introduced him and said, "Pastor, this morning we're studying Joshua."|
"That's wonderful," said the new Pastor, "let's see what you're learning. Who tore down the walls of Jericho?"
Little Billy shyly raised hand and offered, "Pastor, I didn't do it."
Taken aback the Pastor asked, "Come on, now, who tore down the walls of Jericho?"
Teacher, interrupting, said, "Pastor, Billy's a good boy. If he says he didn't do it, I believe he didn't do it."
Flustered, the Pastor went to the Sunday School director and related the story to him.
The Director looking worried, explained, "Well, sir, we've had some problems with Billy before. Let me talk to him and see what we can do."
Really bothered now, by the answers of the teacher and the director, the new pastor approached the deacons and related the whole story, including the responses of the teacher and the director.
A white-haired gentleman thoughtfully stroked his chin and said, "Well, Pastor, I move we just take the money from the general fund to pay for the walls and leave it at that."
The New Car
Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.
"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down.
"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."
"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy, is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."
"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.
"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."
"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!"
"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.
"That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.
"What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant.
"That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver.
"Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the
kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews!"
I DON'T WANNA GO!!
"The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."
"Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?"