Watergate Hotel

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says "I'll look for a bug". He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room?", "How was the service?", "How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well, the room under you complained of the chandelier falling on them!"


An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed.

"What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor..."


Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there. What happens if you touch these two wires tog--

We won't need reservations. It's always sunny there this time of the year.

Don't worry, it's not loaded. They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.

You can make it easy... that train isn't coming fast.

Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

Wife, these biscuits are tough. Let's see if it's loaded.

Step on her, boy, we're only going 75. Just watch me dive from this bridge.

If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic cop.

Lemme have that bottle; I ain't afraid to try it.

What? Your mother is going to stay another month?

"C'mon ya wimps, one more beer, it's open ocean out there, what're we gonna hit?"

--Captain Hazelwood, Exxon Valdez

"Don't worry about the Rover. That's no cliff." --NASA techie

"And now that I'm running my life support equipment through Windows 95, I'll never have to worry about -- beeeeeeeep..."

"How's he gonna read that magazine rolled up like that?"

"No, dude, this stuff is completely natural and safe, man. That's why it's called 'herbal.'"


Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

The job

Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"

Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"

Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question # 5, "I don't know". You put down "Neither do I ".

GREAT trade

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!"

The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

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