Diaper's

The new Mother was having problems changing the baby's diaper. The Father, looking on, says, "No problem. Where's the manual that came with the kid ?"


Puppy

A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "That'd be my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy."

"How could your puppy kill my Doberman?" roared the biker.

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."


Compliment

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking fine.'"


Music store

Yesterday I went into an antiquarian music store, wanting to buy a Mick Jagger solo album. Unfortunatedly, I tripped, and the Jagger LP went flew out of my hand like a frisbee and broke two records featuring Jim McGuinn, David Crosby, Chris Hillman, Gene Clark and Michael Clarke.

Sadly, I had to pay.. As he was collecting the damages, the owner said, "You killed two Byrds with one Stone!"


Trivia

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.


The Pentagon

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is CURRENTLY necessary. Because, when it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.


The shopkeeper's

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read...

MAIN ENTRANCE.


Religion

A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."

"What did you do?" asked the father.

"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?" pressed the father.

"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "


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