Morris calls his son in NY and says,"Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my Oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama."
The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened.
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?"
"Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won't do anything until I get there."
"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Christmas. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in NJ and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore."
A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. "Benny told me That you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there."
Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, "Well Martha, it worked this time, but what are we going to do next time to get them to come home for the holidays?"
You forgot our anniversary, and I forgot how to cook."
Robbing a bank
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept this stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
The new team will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.
COMPUTERS VS CARS
If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, the comparison would look like this:
~ You would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8.
In response to all this goading, GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes twice a day?"