I was on one of my rare shopping trips when this gray-haired woman started staring at me. Finally, she walked over and said, "You look old, what would you suggest for a man over fifty."|
I smiled and replied, "A girl of twenty."
Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Q: Only 14% of Americans say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it?
A: Skinny dipping.
Q: What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS, from every other TV show?
A: No theme song/music.
Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A: Their birthplace.
Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
Q: More women do this in the bathroom than men.
A: Wash their hands. Women 80% / Men 55%
Q: What do 100% of all lottery winners do?
A: Gain weight.
Q: In a recent survey, Americans revealed that this was their favorite smell.
Q: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A: One thousand.
Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
A: All invented by women.
Q: Married men revealed that they do this twice as often as single men.
A: Change their underwear.
Q: This stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.
A: A kiss.
Q: This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
Q: There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year.
A: Father's Day.
Q: What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic?
A: He was allergic to carrots.
Q: 40% of all people who come to a party in your home do this.
A: Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
Q: 3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this.
A: Wear underwear.
Q: What common everyday occurrence is composed of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen and 9% dioxide?
A: A fart.
Q: About 1/3 of all Americans say they do this while sitting.
A: Flush the toilet.
Q: What person, not a "Seinfeld" regular cast member, is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld"?
A: Superman, either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator.
Q: 85% of the guys who die while having sex are doing this.
A:Cheating on their wives.
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
-- Jogging home from your own vasectomy
"You old fool." his friend countered, "She's what, 20 some, and you're in your 70's."
"What's wrong with that ?" the first man asked. "She's the same age my first wife was when I married her."
As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Any one else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and took the offer. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself." he said. "You all have "A"s."