Don't Mess With The Professor

The rules at a particular university were such that if the professor were not present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered a "walk" and the students were free to leave -- with no penalties for missing a class. The rooms were equipped with the type wall clocks which "jumped" ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. These clocks were also not of the most sophisticated construction.

Some enterprising student discovered that if one were to hit the clock with chalkboard erasers, it would cause the clock to "jump" ahead 1 minute.

So, it became almost daily practice for these students to take target practice at the clock. This particular professor was not the most punctual, and the students considered him severely "absent-minded". A few well aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself.

Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room, passed out the exams, and told them "You have 1 hour to complete".

The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from around the room, gleefully took aim at the clock. When he had successfully "jumped" the clock forward 1 hour, he closed the class and collected the exam papers.

Life does teach some lessons the hard way.


The early bird

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


Devout Dog

A devout couple felt it important to own an equally devout pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home--devoutly.

That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new pet and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.

Well, they said, "let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.


THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT A TATTOO PARLOUR

"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

"We're all out of red, so I used pink."

"There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"

"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."

"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."

"Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."

"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."

"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

"The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."


REAL SIGNS FOUND IN ENGLAND

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES


Tomato

One day Mama Tomato, Papa Tomato, and Baby Tomato were taking a walk in town. Now Baby Tomato was a distractible, mischievous sort, and try as they might, they could not keep their son from dawdling and getting into trouble. All of the sudden, upon leaving a store, Mama Tomato looked around and to her dismay, Baby Tomato was gone! "Oh No!" she cried, holding her arms up in dismay.

Papa Tomato soon found him standing in front of the candy store window, mesmerized by all its tasty treats. Papa Tomato grabbed Baby Tomato's arm and half dragged him back to his sobbing mother, castigating him all way. Well, for any normal tomato this would have been enough, but soon, Mama Tomato looked around, and once again, could not spot her son. This time Papa Tomato found him in front of the toy store, eyeing a shiny Hula-Hoop. This time Papa Tomato picked him up and carried him bodily back to where his now-hysterical mother stood.

"If you lag behind one more time..." threatened the now-furious Papa Tomato. But sure enough, once again, Mama Tomato looked around and discovered that once again her son was missing. This time Papa Tomato found Baby Tomato ogling the ice cream stand.

At this, Papa Tomato turned purple with rage, marched over to where his son was and, unable to control his temper any longer, lifted up his leg and stomped on poor Baby Tomato's head, yelling, . . . "Catch up!!"


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Copyright© Aaro (Frank) Huhtala 1997-2004.